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DENOMINATION AND RELIGION

Trust me if anyone was to write on this subject it would definitely be me.
I was born into an apostolic Pentecostal church where jeweries, make up, dancing and certain hair do are forbidden.
Childhood was a mixture of both pleasant and ugly experiences.
   First, I was abused sexually by a relative in my parent's house.
He exploited my innocence and naivety.
Once my mom caught him abusing Me. She beat him up severely. I don't know if she forgot about the whole incidence when she asks if I was a virgin.
"How?...I was abused, you know that. Don't you?" That's the reply that comes to my mind but barely is uttered for fear of judgment, making her sad. So I'll just reply "yes".
I grew up in a poor family. Most of the needs were provided by my mother who earned much more higher than my dad.
My immediate younger brother was sick and never taken to the hospital because of our doctrine.
My ears were unpierced and I felt like the odd person in the crowd in school.
My growing days were plagued by trainings from by mother who is a disciplinarian. She taught us never to make friends even in church. If she sees you talking and laughing with your mates she'll call you and give you a stern look which of course you understand.
If in disobedience you don't return to sitting alone, you'll be punished at home.
This has affected me negatively such that when I go out with friends I have this anxiety...I don't relate freely with people.
First I thought it was because I am an introvert but circumstances made me so.
Then my father started cheating on my mother while he was still a minister. My mom taught us to bear all these hurts without saying a word to anyone.
My mother lost most of her money to my father's lying and gambling lifestyle.
He was a minister that gambled, lied and had extra marital affair.
Whenever I look at my family I wonder "what went wrong?".
I left home for college and decided to attend another denomination. Service was shorter, sermons were awesome, I felt really comfortable till my mom got to know of it and threatened to disown me.
I know I've made wrong choices and I own them.
can I serve God where and how I want to?
Can I be allowed to make my own decisions?
I know I'm not alone
Reach out to me if you've been a victim of denomination and religion.
Would love to hear from you.


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